


burning down the house

by TheAestheticArmchair



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Keithtober 2018, but here, i honestly don't even know what this came from
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16182272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAestheticArmchair/pseuds/TheAestheticArmchair
Summary: When Keith finds out what element the Red Paladin represents, he's sure it must be some kind of cosmic joke.





	burning down the house

**Author's Note:**

> Keithtober 2018 Prompt 1: "Red Paladin"  
> TRIGGER WARNING: panic attacks, mention of suicide  
> This was written in the middle of the night, so if it's sucky, please don't judge me too harshly.  
> Crossposted on FFN

When Keith finds out what element the Red Paladin represents, he's sure it must be some kind of cosmic joke.

"You can't be serious."

Those are the first words he says to Allura after about a minute of dead silence. Right after she tells him that he is now the Guardian Spirit of Fire.

_Fire._

A cosmic joke, a cruel one. It has to be.

"Keith," the princess says, concern in her eyes, reaching out. "Are you all righ--"

"I'm fine," he snaps, jerking away from her hand. "I have to go." Then he's storming away from the bridge, and Shiro is calling his name, and from behind him Lance is muttering, "What's with him?" -- before the door slides closed behind him.

He's walking, walking, not quite sure where he's going but he can't seem to find it in him to care. The telltale signs of panic are beginning to show themselves: his heart is pounding, his head is spinning, his palms are sweating. He finally ends up in his room, sinking to the floor like a stone before the door even closes.

He hasn't had an attack like this in a year, not since the Kerberos mission failed. They're few and far between, but when they do come... boy, do they come. He hates it; hates that his brain makes him feel this way, like he's lost all control. It's an awful feeling, and he swipes at his eyes furiously as tears cloud their vision.

A hesitant knock on his door makes him jolt and look up, before letting his head drop into his hands again. He knows who's at the door, and he'd rather not face Shiro right now.

But he mumbles "come in" anyway, and Shiro enters the room and sits beside him quietly. He makes no move to touch Keith, not even a reassuring pat on the shoulder: he's known Keith for long enough to know the drill for the panic attacks.

Finally, when Keith's breath has completely evened out, Shiro says, "Irony's a bitch, huh?"

Keith snorts. Shiro rarely swears, and when he does, he makes it count. Somehow he must tell that in some weird way, Keith could use a cuss word right about now.

"No fucking kidding. Out of literally  _all_ the things I could have been, I had to be the Guardian Spirit of goddamn Fire."

"Yeah, I kinda know how you feel. I have mixed feelings about being Space, myself."

"Wha-- why?" Then he remembers. "Oh. Wow. I'm a dumbass."

He chuckles. "No, you're not." Then his voice softens slightly. "How're you holding up?"

"Fine."

"You stormed out of the room and you were obviously just having a panic attack. That doesn't give you a 'fine' pass."

"Look, whatever," Keith snaps. "I'll  _be_ fine. Can I just be alone right now?"

"...Okay. But if you need--"

"I got it."

"Okay. Right." He leaves, and Keith is left alone.

Which is fine. It is.

Voltron or no Voltron, Keith has always been the loner.

No need for that to change now.

* * *

Training takes a lot out of him; more than he had expected. Maybe it's due to the intensity of the training sequences, or maybe he's just off his game. In any case, once he's finished his workout, he's headed down to the kitchen for a bite to eat, and when he gets there he realizes that he's not the only one.

"Oh, hey man," Hunk says cheerily as he adds various condiments to a bowl of food goo. "Hungry? I'm trying this new combination, wanna be my guinea pig?"

Why not? He shrugs. "Sure."

" _Huuuuunk!_ " whines a voice, and Lance appears in the other doorway. "I thought I was gonna be your guinea pig!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have arrived half an hour late," Hunk replies snippily. "The job goes to Keith by default, he was here before you."

"I had to do my skincare routine! Beauty takes time and effort. Something  _you--_ " he points at Keith, "--wouldn't know, Mr. My-Pores-Are-The-Size-Of-Manholes."

"Wow, Lance," Keith says sarcastically. "It's really amazing how many shits I don't give."

"Rude. But Hunk, please please please can I at least try some?"

Hunk sighs, but he's smiling. "Fine. But this is the last time, you understand? I simply will no longer tolerate such tardiness."

Lance claps excitedly and opens his mouth wide, and Hunk rolls his eyes as he spoons some of the goo into his mouth. Lance chews and swallows, smacking his lips and finally pronouncing, "A solid nine out of ten, slightly lacking in the texture department but making up for it in taste. A job well done."

Keith can't help but feel a small smile on his face at the sight of the two of them. They'd all been up here for weeks, or maybe even months now, and somewhat against his will, he's begun to grow fond of the other paladins. Even Lance. Sort of. Not really.

Hunk holds out the bowl to him, and he grabs a spoon, saying, "Don't worry, you don't have to spoon-feed me," and as Hunk snorts, he takes a spoonful of the goo and puts it in his mouth just as Lance yelps, "Oh  _ew ew ew,_ the aftertaste is so bad!"

"What?!" Hunk yelps as Keith almost chokes. "I thought I'd fixed that!"

"Well, apparently you didn't," Lance groans, his bronze skin taking on a greenish tint. "I...I think I'm gonna puke. Tell Allura I love her if I don't make it out alive." And with that, he sprints out of the kitchen.

Keith peers after him, slightly concernedly. "Is he... _Naruto running?_ "

Hunk chuckles, "Yeah, that's Lance. Man, poor guy. I really thought I'd fixed that aftertaste."

"You've tried this before?"

"Oh, yeah. Cooking's kind of a passion of mine. I've been trying to make the food goo more...human friendly, and the taste itself isn't bad, but the aftertaste is always gross. That's what I've been working on lately."

"Well, I mean, it's pretty good so far. Is Lance usually your guinea pig?"

Hunk grins fondly. "Yeah, it's kind of our thing. He used to try out my recipes all the time back on Earth. When I started experimenting with the food goo, he was super happy to help. I think it sort of helps him, too. You know, makes it feel more like home."

"Oh. Yeah, I get that." And he does. It doesn't take a genius to know that Lance is the most homesick out of all of them. Whenever they do the mind-meld exercise, their emotions are all out in the open, and they can access each others' easily. And Lance...behind his confident and joking exterior, Lance is sad. Really sad.

"When did you two meet?" Keith asks now.

"Oh!" Hunk says, perking right up. "It was at flight camp, actually. We were paired up for this simulator, and, well...it sort of malfunctioned." His shoulders sag slightly, as though the experience is weighing down on him. "It got really dark, and to be honest, I'm not so good in tight, dark spaces. Basements do not agree with me."

"No argument. Basements are creepy."

"I know, right? But anyway, my claustrophobia started acting up, and I had an anxiety attack." He grimaces. "Not a great feeling."

"Oh, I know."  _Believe me. I know._

"But Lance really helped me through it. I guess he understood what that felt like, and he talked me through it until they were able to get us out of there. I was really grateful, and we've been best friends ever since."

"Huh. That's...surprisingly sweet."

"Yeah," Hunk smiles fondly.

"But...wait." He's just registered something Hunk had said. "You said you're not good underground...aren't you the Guardian Spirit of Earth?"

He snorts. "Yeah. When I first heard, I thought Allura had lost her mind. But...I think it sort of makes sense. I still hate being underground, but I'd honestly kill just to be on solid ground right now, y'know?"

"Yeah. I guess that makes sense." And it does, in some weird way. He can't explain it, but somehow Hunk embodies his element perfectly.

Of course, just as he's starting to have this mini-epiphany, the aftertaste hits. He grimaces and almost doubles over, and Hunk immediately says, "Go. Go go go, please don't puke in my kitchen."

"Gotcha," he gulps as he races from the room.

* * *

Keith is sitting in his lion's hangar when he hears a voice above him say, "Hey, move over, I need to run diagnostics on Red."

Keith looks up to see Pidge pulling out an Altean screen and inputting a few preliminary numbers. He scooches over a few feet and she plops down beside him, holding up the screen and scanning an image of Red.

"Doesn't Coran normally do this?" he asks.

"Yeah, but he's still geeking out over his new talk-back cubes. I swear, if I hear one more chorus of 'Coran, Coran, the gorgeous man', I'm going to stab something."

Keith snorts. He likes Pidge. She's blunt, and a bit of bluntness is refreshing. Even a little comforting.

"You did good on Olkari," he says, surprising himself slightly. He doesn't give out compliments lightly, but he feels that in this case, Pidge deserves one. "Unlocking that power in Green probably saved all our asses. Actually, it _did_ save all our asses. So, good job."

She smiles. "Thanks, man."

They sit in companionable silence for a while, Pidge preoccupied with her diagnostics, Keith fiddling idly with his bayard.

"You know," she says offhandedly, "it's weird. I'm the so-called Guardian Spirit of Forest, whatever that means, and my lion has crazy plant powers or some shit, but I've hated nature my entire life."

"Yeah. You mentioned that. Too many bugs?"

"Meh," she mutters, "it's...not just that. I kind of have a traumatic camping experience."

Oh? "Oh?"

"Yeah. When I was about six or seven, I was camping with my family and Matt and I went out for a walk at one point, and we got a little lost. Matt said to stay where I was and that he was going to get help, but he was a dumbass back then, so that didn't work. So now you've got my ten year old brother hitchhiking in a private campground, and he eventually makes it to the welcome centre and finds one of the park rangers, and they drive back to where I was, and of course, me being seven year old me, I was gone. I'd seen some pretty flowers and ended up like a mile away from the path, and they couldn't find me for hours. Like, it was a legit search party, I think even some police got involved. And meanwhile, I'm just there alone in the dark, terrified as fuck with seven thousand bugs biting me at once, hearing noises that I wasn't sure were bears or serial killers, and when they found me I was so traumatized that we had to go home. And that's my sob story, thank you and goodnight."

She finishes with a sarcastic flourish, slumping back over her work. Keith's mind is reeling.

"Hey Pidge," he says, "do you like a good conspiracy theory?"

She perks up. "Always."

"Your element is Forest, yet you've been terrified of forests your entire life. Hunk's element is Earth, and he's claustrophobic. Shiro's element is Space, and he was held prisoner in space for a year. My element is Fire, and...shit happened. Seeing a pattern?"

Pidge's eyes go wide. "Hooooly shit. What the fuck."

"Do you think the lions... _knew?_ You know, when they chose us?"

Simultaneously, they turn to stare up at Red.

Red does nothing.

They share a look.

"Yeah," Pidge says, a little ironic smile on her face. "They totally knew."

Then her brow furrows. "Wait. What about Lance?"

Keith stares. "Lance?"

"Yeah. He's Water, right? He's gotta have some weird water phobia or something."

"But all he does is talk about how much he misses the beach."

Pidge sighs. "I guess that's true.  _Shit,_ that would have been a cool theory."

"Yeah. Too bad."

But he isn't so sure.

* * *

He's not ready to be the Black Paladin.

He doesn't know who the fuck Shiro was kidding. He's not cut out to be a leader; he can't live up to Shiro's example. There's no way in hell he can lead Voltron--

"Uh, hey, man."

He starts and turns around to see Lance staring at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry to interrupt your brooding...you good?"

"Yeah," he mutters. "M'fine."

"You don't really look--know what? I'm not gonna get into this. Look," he says, fiddling with his hands somewhat nervously, "I just gave Allura her bayard, and I, uh, kinda need yours now."

Oh. Right. Lance is the Red Paladin now. That'll take some getting used to.

"Sure." He summons his bayard and hands it to Lance. "Here."

Lance takes it hesitantly, almost gingerly, like it's a piece of china and not an alien weapon. "Thanks."

Keith grunts noncommittally and turns away again. A moment of quiet.

"You know," Lance breaks the silence, "I can't figure you out. First minute you're all brooding and emo, next you're this insanely good pilot, and then you've got this rivalry thing with me."

"Lance, no one cares about this 'rivalry'--" he makes air quotes, "--but you. It's not even funny anymore."

There's a beat of dead silence, and Keith realizes that he's hit a nerve.

"Wow," Lance says, trying to keep a quiver out of his voice, "thanks. Great talk, Keith."

"No, wait--" Keith grabs Lance's arm as he attempts to turn away. "Look, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

"Yeah," Lance mutters. "It was." But he doesn't leave, and for some reason, Keith feels a little flutter of relief.

There's a slightly uncomfortable silence.

"Hey," he asks suddenly, not quite sure what he's doing, "do you...have a thing with water?"

Lance blinks.

"What?"

Keith clears his throat awkwardly. "Uh, well...you're--or, I mean, you were--the Guardian Spirit of Water, right? Pidge and I sort of realized that most of us have bad experiences with our element, like Hunk is claustrophobic, Shiro was imprisoned in space, Pidge was abandoned in the woods as a child--"

"Uh, Pidge was  _what?_ "

"Long story. But we all have something, and I was kind of wondering if you had something too. Um, are you secretly terrified of the ocean by any chance?"

Lance actually laughs at this, but it sounds somewhat forced. "No, Keith, I'm not secretly terrified of the ocean."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. Sorry, that was stupid."

"No, it wasn't stupid," Lance mutters. "I kind of do have a bad experience with water, but not the ocean kind."

Keith blinks. "Then...what kind?"

Lance takes a deep breath and lets it out all at once. "My--a cousin of mine drowned herself. Like, in the bathtub. On purpose."

Oh.

 _Oh._ Oh god.

"Shit, Lance," he breathes.

"Yeah. It really took a toll on the family. And on me. Honestly, to this day, I can't take a bath, or even shower in a room with a tub. Swimming and shit is fine, it's just..."

Just that he's emotionally scarred.

"Did you..." Keith's voice cracks slightly. "Did you see it?"

"I was the one who found her."

" _Fuck..._ "

"Yeah," Lance mumbles, wiping his eyes furiously, swiping away the tears that Keith hadn't even noticed were there. "It's not something I like to relive."

"God, Lance, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, it's okay. I mean, it's sort of nice, you know, to...get that off my chest."

There's silence.

And before Keith can think twice, he's saying, "My dad died in a fire."

Lance's eyes go wide. "What?"

"Th-that's my thing." He looks away. "He was a firefighter. Our house burned down, and he ran back in to save me, tossed me into the net, and died trying to get out again. That shack where I was staying in the desert was what's left of the house." He swallows the lump in his throat. "So, uh, I guess what I'm trying to say is...you're not alone. I've been there."

He still doesn't look at Lance, not wanting to see his reaction. But then he feels a hand on his shoulder, and he's abruptly pulled into a tight embrace.

"O-oh," he stammers. "Aaand we're hugging now. O-okay. That's fine."

"Sorry," Lance mumbles into his shoulder. "I just...I really needed that. Thanks."

Keith is properly stunned. This side of Lance, the side that comforted him when he was missing Shiro, the side that assured him that he would be a good leader, the side that tells truths and gives hugs...or maybe it's not a side at all. Maybe, underneath all the jokes and flirting, maybe this is who Lance really is.

His arms come around Lance and hold him.

"Anytime."

And as the new Black Paladin holds the new Red Paladin tight, he thinks, maybe being the loner is overrated.


End file.
